Understand who your heroes are.

I remember pedalling past the forest
Haunted by the ghosts of all that had been left unsaid
I blinked past the droplets that profusely bled from the skies
Finding blotches of repugnance festoon my shroud instead
I felt my mind race as the cycle gave way
Beneath my unsure, quivering feet
I staggered around hopelessly
Hearing the trees whisper urgently to me
The wind trumpeted in my ears
But couldn’t suffice to keep out the screams infesting my head
I felt like I was losing consciousness
But saw time insinuatingly running ahead
Beckoning to me
Move an inch, take a step
But I just stood there
Paralysed with unsurmountable fear instead
I felt my temple throb with pain
As I cogitated over the cowardice that encapsulated me
I made the foot of the tree my temple
As the flippancy of my mind ran free
I could see the autumn leaves
Mirror the fire that burnt through my soul
The flames that ravaged through every beating pulse
The flames that danced, intoxicated, as fuel to the coal
I waited for the pain to pass
For the horror of the memories to become slack

But maybe they really had been etched into me
Like the bold black ink on the corner of my back
I still remember the buzz of the needle
As it pierced into my skin
I still remember the hum of depression
The euphoria of my existence ended when I was only eleven
Nothing I can do
Would ever make me forget
Nothing i can do
Would ever stop the torrential downpour of regret
I yearned for something to cloister me from it
And ended up remembering  my striped umbrella instead
That was fashioned with oak and grandfather’s irrevocable love
And retrospected to the stripes of navy blue and red
I remember punishing myself
The little ways of infliction that seemed like huge sacrifices
Back then I was a little girl
Trying to win the game of life, rolling merely dices
I guess i could go back to being that way
I guess i could abandon these ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’
I guess I could live and then finally die

Rescued by these hollow woods


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